Let's Live Together

Oh, Nigeria. Yours' a feared history -
Pandora's box - bleak, cold, dour...
Sour grapes' past; fruits of a new story.

FIRST AND RIGHT

Credit: truppr.com

 My first and only Truppr experience, was in August. Lord have mercy, Natachy, a friend who had shed over 70KG and still counting, had invited me to a run. We had always complained about how I live in town, and her in Karu and how it was difficult to meetup for a run. Bam! She sent me a direct message me on twitter and invited me. I promptly registered, bragged about it, and then looked forward to it with all the gusto I could muster. On the day, I arrived early, not been to the old parade ground before, I was skeptical of my taxi driver. But he was right. By the time I summoned courage to walk through the gates, I saw figures of all shapes and sizes, most figurines perched around a handful of cars, engaged in friendly chatter and waiting for the late comers. Apparently I fell in the latter category.

Credits: twitter.com/Natachyy

I met a few familiar faces like Messrs Sangowawa and Mukoro, who made blending in easier for me. Soon, Natachy arrived, and pleasantries were shared. And that was when the warm ups began. The stretching, running, bending,  turning all in one position, caught the winds out of my sails to remind me how much I‘ve missed working out and exercising beyond the acceptable boundaries of lazy. But it as worth it. I felt better, my muscles felt stretched and oiled for the run, and I was looking forward to it. A little while later, the run was off, and I was still around the cars, helping to pack up ‘stuff’ in to the cars. Thus, I was a couple minutes late. About 3 minutes I guess. 

I turned on the music on my phone, plugged my earpiece and strutted away in a bid to catch up with the bunch of runners/walkers. Now, the thing with me, is that I’m a great competitor; and then a bad one as well. I love competition. I believe that life is about who gets it first. No matter how much we all stand in the queue waiting for our turn, if I turned up earlier to join the queue, it would be my urn first. And I brought that mentality to the run, even though I knew I wasn’t in the beat of shapes, to finish ahead of everyone. If for anything, my competitive spirit can’t be easily dampened. Not even by the smiles and abandon on the faces of those whom I overtook within seconds, though they had a three minutes start.

By the first turn, I had to climb a hill. My muscles were grinding and fatigue was setting in, but I was not the type to just give in. But a second look at myself, changed everything, I happened to be the one really interested about finishing first. Maybe those who are like me were far ahead or something, but everyone whom I overtook, never seem to take it serious. To them, it was about burning the unnecessary fat, staying fit, and clocking their best time yet. And I was there trying to kill my muscles for not fueling me enough. When I hit the imaginary red tape, there were a couple of faces who had eaten up the race like yam, and were nestled around the cars and waiting for the rest of us to turn up. Natachy was one of them. She was already posing for pictures and was being ‘famzed’ by ladies with rings around their torsos, hoping to be like her soon.

Soon, everyone had crossed their red tape, and there was a call for dance aerobics. I had a seminar to catch that fateful Saturday, so I said my goodbyes, and off I went in a painted taxi. I looked forward to the September edition, but I missed it doe to pressing deadlines. Now, I’m looking foreward to an October date at a race, where everyone, whether you chose to run or walk, end up first and right, clocking their best time ever!

PICK OF THE WEEK (3)

It’s the penultimate day until September, my dear birth month is over, and we usher in the Halloween month. Well, whatever that is, only those Nigerians who stay glued to their television sets, or live, school and work in the climes where it is a culture will certainly be looking forward to it. But really, what is it they celebrate during Halloween? I keep wondering maybe that’s why there are so many psychopaths and serial killers in the climes where they celebrate horror!

It’s our third week rolling with the PICK OF THE WEEK, and even though the feedback for last week was not as good as the ‘numero uno’, I’ll keep picking and featuring stories from within the last week, which attracted attention and discuss; and publish related statistics which matter at the start of the new week. The good part is that you can decide which stories you think made the pick of the week, by simply sending your scoops to @KoloKennethK. It might seem as if last week was quiet, despite the hushed conversations continuing regards the $9.3m found in Pastor Ayo Oristejafor’s jet, and ofcourse the continued rise in the death toll of the #JoshuaGate collapse. However, if you didn’t hear, Shekau II has left middle earth. His boat wasn’t spotted in Asgard’s waters. I hear he made his way to hell to meet his 76 virgins. Well, the PICK OF THE WEEK tells you the rest of the story.

MY PICK

21 GUN SALUTE: BASHIR MOHAMMED IS DEAD

Seven days ago, Nigeria woke up to the news that renegade Boko Haram Commander and Amir, Abubakar Shekau had been killed by Nigerian Forces in a battle for Konduga. Words filtered in afterwards, that Abubakar Shekau had been the nom de guerre of Bashir Mohammed, the man claimed to have taken over reins of leadership after the ‘original’ Abubakar Shekau was murdered. And yes, you are right. It caused an uproar amongst Nigeria’s netizens, as there was jubilation on twitter. It was so loud, that statistics show that within the last seven days, I had 7, 281,443 chances of seeing the name Bashir Mohammed crop up on my timeline. That’s how many people have been discussing about the insurgency, and the kill by the Nigerian forces. Although the news first hit airwaves on Monday, it was until Wednesday, that the Defence Headquarters Information section on insurgency, with the handle @DefenceInfoNG announced that Shekau II had boarded a boat leaving middle earth.

There were no mention of a sighting of his boat at Asgard, so we know he didn’t end up an Eihenjar, so he must have rowed towards hell to meet his 76 virgins with Cossy Orjiakor breasts and Kim Kardashian hips. Hashtags like #VictoryForNigeria #COINUpdate #BashirMohammed #AbubakarShekau and #BokoHaram soon came upstream through the week. The death soon resulted in multiple deaths and surrender of rank and rags of Boko Haram fighters across various fronts. This is indeed, a huge success for the Nigerian government. However, the Oliver Twist of her citizens are now clamoring for the Chibok Girls to be brought home, now that their tormentor-in-chief has been killed.

FALSE DAWN: LUCKY, NOT ABDUCTED GIRLS

On Tuesday, September 23^rd, Nigeria went in to a frenzy of jubilation, albeit cut short. The Nigerian Times broke the news that two heavily guarded buses had strolled in to the Maiduguri Army barracks with girls alleged to be those, abducted from Chibok. What a masterstroke that was, and my, everyone was in jubilant mood, with even BBC reporting it, until Military Spokesman, General Chris Olukolade popped up with a tweet, denouncing the revelation, and claiming the buses were conveying girls who had escaped abduction at Chibok, to their reallocated schools in Kano and Kaduna States. It caused an uproar, even as rumors emerged that Shekau had also not been killed, as was reported in the media. Whatever is true, we sha hail thee, Nigeria. 13.6m+ people were in frenzied mood though, over the news of the release of the abducted girls.

OWAMBE: ATIKU ABUBAKAR DECLARES

On Wednesday, September 24^th, Abuja went agog. When I decided to visit Metro Plaza, my taxi driver asked not to go through CBD. It turned out, Alhaji Atiku Abubakar (GCON) was declaring his intentions to run for the office of President in the 2015 elections under the main opposition party, the All Peoples Congress. It was however, not the central business district that went agog. Sep. 23, 11:27 pm and Sep. 29, 11:26 am in just 3,086 tweets. Alhaji Atiku must be wishing that as many as 20m Nigerians of the 48m+ currently online, will just cast the Yes vote for him in 2015, that is if he gets the party’s ticket at the primaries.

Twitter did, as apologists, loyalists, attack-dogs, antagonists, haters, mofos, loud-mouths, analysts, enthusiasts and the likes, all borrowed, hired or carried their own apoti and sat on the timeline, flooding ‘Twitter Nigeria’ with all sorts of orishi-rishi on whether the man is the right person to rule Nigeria, or why he should be in jail. Well, no doubt Nigeria’s former No.2 certainly still commands airtime in Nigeria, and he so does with aplomb. So much aplomb that ‘Atiku declares’ showed up on my timeline, a record 20, 071, 832 times between

OYINBO REPETE: TONY TETUILA JOINS THE RACE

While the #30PecentOrNothing debate goes on, some youth have harkened to the call, and are certainly cutting their hair, arranging that photoshoot and designing those party colour themed posters and splashing them online and offline, in anticipation of the politicking season for the 2015 elections to begin. However, a twist, is certainly how much the entertainment industry have taken this call serious. Abolore Akande a.k.a. 9ice, Kate Henshaw-Nuttal, Julius Agwu, Tony Tetuila, Desmond Elliot, Kanayo O. Kanayo, Tony Muonagor a.k.a. Tony One-Week, Jibola Dabo, Daniel Chibuzor  Nnwoka a.k.a Dan D’humorous, Kenneth Okwonkwo, Adefunke Adesiyan, Yemi Solade, Kenny Saint Brown *add your own name to the list*.

By Wednesday when Atiku was declaring his intentions, Anthony Olanrewaju Awotoye a.k.a. Tony Tetuila was basking on the wings of Atiku, and e-posters of him started flooding twiter, with his intentions to run for the Kwara State House of Assembly. Amazingly, since Saturday, when I was able to measure a little above 3K tweets, 27m+ netizens have been talking about Tony Tetuila. Now, this is not over a 7 days period oh… just 3 days, between Sep. 27, 12:29 pm and Sep. 29, 1:36 pm. This is amazing, how much attention the Irepodun born musician has garnered. He must feel lucky, and hope that the same attention earns him votes in to the house. If you think you are better than these young people aspiring for political office, dust your party registration certificate, or go register now, and start the politicking work that needs to be done. The truth is that the youth are not the leaders of tomorrow. Children are. The youth are the leaders of today. The Now!

NO PLEA BARGAIN: THEY DESERVE TO DIE

Finally, on Wednesday, the Chairman of the Senate Committee on Defence, Sen. Thompson Sekibo rang the riot act, and said the committee will not plead for #leMutinyBabes, the 12 soldiers recently found guilty of mutiny in Maiduguri and sentenced to death. While addressing journalists after a meeting with Service Chiefs, where we are not sure what was discussed, and what changed hands, he insisted that discipline must be instilled in the Army, which is backed by a law enacted by the national assembly. Thus, the Military Act, which guides conduct in the army finds #leMutinyBabes guilty, and they must face the brunt of the law. Words brushing my apoti also have it that #LeMutinyBabes have been held in underground cells and have been starving as the Army doesn’t see any need in feeding the bodies they will certainly cast hot iron into soon. There have however, been numerous calls, including that of the Nigerian Labour Congress, pleading with the government and the Army’s top brass not to kill them. Apparently, these men whom everyone have been canvassing support for on twitter in the fight for insurgency, seem to have the sympathy of a lengthy jail term than death at the gallows. Anyways, about 12 million people have had one thing or the other to say about the sentencing of #LeMutinyBabes within the last 9 days, reaching its peak on Wednesday with the announcement by the Chairman of the Senate.  If you ask me, I really do want #LeMutinyBabes given jail terms than the death penalty, considering the circumstances of their near revolt against their commanding officer.

That’s a wrap from my desk for this week on PICK OF THE WEEK. Apologies for the late publication. Power cuts and a full desk of deadlines ensured my hands were too full to publish at the usual time. But hopefully, next week will come with better tidings. Enjoy the Independence celebrations, stay safe, and send your scoops to @KoloKennethK.

PICK OF THE WEEK (2)

It’s another week just yet, and September is edging closer to the finish line. Certainly, most of you will receive your alerts this week, others, next. But however this week goes, we are looking forward to its surprises. And like John Muir admonished, I am eager to climb this mountain’s top, and seize its good tidings. So, last week was a blast, the blog post saw 100+ views – which is uncommon to my blog posts – as the blog isn’t so boosted, and only personally developed content are featured here. However, the reception has been mixed. Views have been encouraging, but the feedback hasn’t been thorough. The comments section have not reflected as much as was expected. But maybe, this is due to the stories that were featured, the presentation or taste. Whatever it is, you can have your say, by sending me your scoops via @KoloKennethK, or better still do a better analytics of the stories.

This week, I review some of the stories that went viral and popular within the last week, on Twitter Nigeria. Well, it can be an exciting and bitchy place – Twitter Nigeria. And it takes guts to keep your head above waters, like @sugarbelly has. Men, that babe has got it all. Wish I could meet her anytime soon. Not that I’m going to suggest any 85 minutes long meeting or anything, but I like to meet strong hearted people, who draw motivation from within them, and Sugarbelly fits the bill. So, from ‘stooges’ to homicide, a war on terror and A pastor’s ordeal, I’ve peered in to Twitter Nigeria, and hope that the stark realities hit home to us, with hopes to better days. Long Live the Federal Republic of Nigeria.

MY PICK

44 Dead in Church Building Collapse

On the 14^th of September, It happened again. The curse on high rise buildings in Lagos has not been broken yet. Another collapsed building, a bout of rancid odour as carcass ooze fills the air. And then, resistance as rescue teams seek to dig out survivors and the dead. But if you ever expected this scene will play out at Prophet Temitope B. Joshua’s Synagogue Church of All Nations, you must be a better Seer than the prophet who is famed for his prophesies coming to pass. Information reaching me, is that though the site was approved for a 4 storey building or so, an additional 2 storey building was being added to it, which subsequently caused a cracking in the foundation and ultimately, collapse.

The concern now, is for those families which have come from all corners of the world seeking for miracles, which are now left bereft – dead or sustaining serious injuries – as authorities continue to mop up the damages incurred. The headline “44 dead in church building collapse”, have seen 250+ retweets via the CNN handle amongst other handles tweeting about it. But hold on… As at the time of the curating of this week’s pick, 1,104 tweets with the headline had reached 16.6m+ accounts, with a staggering 17.1m+ impacts/impressions. Stories with TB Joshua sure does make the rounds, you’ll agree. We can only hope that the death toll doesn’t hit the 100 benchmark. As at last report, it was sat at 86.

Missing Nigerian Fighter Jet

As if the tragedy wasn’t enough, it was reported the same day, that a Dassault/Dornier Alpha fighter jet belonging to the Nigerian Airforce registered NAF 466, had gone missing, apparently plucked from the skies. This brought back memories of the Malaysian airliner over South East Asia, as well as the sister jet, shot down in Ukraine. But this, is a fighter jet, deployed to Adamawa to repel the gains of Boko Haram in Adamawa. While it is still not officially known what caused the disappearance of the jet, some rumors making the rounds say it was shot down by Boko Haram. I have to admit that if they now have the firepower to bring down a stealth – atleast for Nigeria – jet, we are in for a long and protracted war.

The tweet from Associated Press got 125 retweets and 43 favorites to get the “Top Tweet” prize, while analysis show that atleast 17m users of twitter have seen the story on their timeline in the last 7 days. Infact, by the 14th of September, when the reach was first monitored, measured, it had already surpassed the 1,000 tweet per day mark. It was indeed, one of the top news stories on Monday last week.It is my hope that the crew were able to eject to safety, before the jet went down. I also hope that Nigeria wins this war sooner, and bring the troops home to their families.

Whatever goes by the name Ayo Oritsejafor

The Christian Association of Nigeria is a network, a union an agglomeration of churches and their clergies in Nigeria. It seeks to uphold the welfare of all practicing Christians in the land. Since the turn of the decade, CAN has not failed to be in the news spotlight, all thanks to her President, Pastor Ayo Oritsejafor. Take it or leave it, the ‘bling-bling’ Pastor, with his mien, carriage, branding, air and position on issues have drawn many nearer to the CAN brand, Christians and Muslims alike. Oh, that man reeks of bludgeoning atmosphere, that even the Presidency can’t do but acknowledge him. Remember the President going all the way to lay the foundation stone for his soon to be inaugurated university?

Well, last week, Pastor Ayo made the news headlines again, after word filtered in that a private jet carrying two Nigerians, an Israeli and Nigeria-owned $9.3m had been seized by South African authorities after it was said to have been sent on a mission to buy ordinance. While it is easy to point a finger at the war against insurgency, there’s also a rise in the Niger Delta militancy, with oil theft and illegal refinery the new business. There’s also the small word of ‘2015 general elections’; as the reasons why that jet was sent to South Africa to buy arms. However, between Sep. 19, 3:57 pm and Sep. 22, 8:15 am, 3,012 tweets mentioned “Ayo Oritsejafor” for whatever reasons, and they dropped on to the timelines of 17,462,219 tweeps. Of the 3K+ tweets, 1,500 of those were on the 20th, when I suppose it emerged that the jet was owned by Pastor Ayo. The sarcasm was glaring to see, even as the "Top Tweet" was Bar Baric's tweet, which saw 129 retweets amongst others.

#MeetAtiku

On Sunday, the hashtag was number 1 on of Top20 Trends in Nigeria, according to @TrendnaliaNG. Maybe it was because Alh. Atiku Abubakar had said “50% of my cabinet will be made up of young people”, in a bid to outclass the #30PercentOrNothing campaign by youths said to be aligned to the Peoples' Democratic Party who are hoping that President Jonathan can affirm 30% quota of his government to youth. The event was a night out with Atiku, held in Lagos on Saturday, September 20^th, organized by Nigeria News Desk. It drew an array of young people from across the country to one room, and as well, millions across twitter, as the statistics show. He remarked that he had created approximately 50K jobs in Nigeria and other African countries, while he wants the federal government to devolve power over lands to states, as those states control the land, and not government. So much from a man who was the country’s deputy Oga-at-the-Top for a whopping 8 years.

But who knows? Maybe the real Oga-at-the-Top then, didn’t give him any choices to make as far as decisions were concerned. No wonder, he wants to run for President. He reiterated though, that young entrepreneurs need low interest funding and business information to flourish, and will like the President to improve on his action on insurgency. When asked why he switched from PDP to APC, he said “APC is my last busstop”. 10 million tweeps saw the hashtag on their TL, with 3,035 tweets from 1,244 users of which Nigeria News Desk and INA Daily News were the top 2 influential users.

TB Joshua Offers N50,000 on News

On Saturday, while I was roaming my timeline looking for where to place my apoti as a usual LASTMA, I began to see that TB Joshua had poured more petrol on the building collapse fire that was about to be put out, when an audio recording emerged of him offering reporters N50,000 each, to alter the scope, content, theme, antagonists and nature of the accident, caused by a helicopter which had whisked past the building, minutes before the crash. I’m not so sure, but I’m guessing he must have suggested to the reporters to say that the helicopter was hijacked by Boko Haram to crash in to the building a la September 11, but then realized that they could just throw a nuke on the building which they eventually did, and saved the suicide bombers for another operation. But what do I know? And since it’s none of my business, I decided to focus on what was my business… the numbers behind the story. Thus, 277 tweeps took it upon themselves as awon oniranu of the story in just 355 tweets, tweeting and tweeting about it, until 1.m+ twitter handles saw it, retweeted it, and favorited it which started making the rounds from September 19^th. Myne Whitman's tweet was the "Top Tweet" with 21 retweets and 4 favorites of the 277 tweeps who said anything about the offer.

So, that's a wrap for this week's Pick. I hope you agree with the picks. If you think otherwise, don't hesitate to send your scoops from this week for next week's edition to @kolokennethk and I'll ensure it is curated. Stay safe, and keep working for the good of yourselves and of Nigeria.