SULE (2)

You see, I have the most amazing gateman, Sule. He's quite good at what he says. He sweeps the compound and leaves the gathered rubbish for the wind to scatter, so he can sweep them again the next morning. He leaves the water pump on, so that when the tanks are filled, the interlocked tiles of a garden we have gets watered. Oh, and he doesn't open the gate simply because you honk your horn or tap at the gigantic gate, no. You've got to call him up or even ping him as I recently discovered.

So, recently, I was frying tomato for sauce. I was having some hallowed guest over. Everything else was set except the sauce, and this guest will be arriving in 30 minutes. In fact, I'd been told they were on their way. While stir-frying the tomato paste and adding condiments and extra spices, I noticed I had ran out of seasoning. The Royco and Maggi combination was finished. So, I pinged Sule.

Me: Ping! Ping!!
Sule: Oga, yaya dai? Inzo ne? (Oga, I should come?)
Me: E, ka zo ka taya ni da wani abu (yeah, come and help me with something)

Sule struts at will, and knocks on my door. I quickly open up, and beg him to help me get a pack of Royco from the container shop down hill. I lay emphasis on 'quick please', handing him N500 note.

That was when my woes began. A supposed 5 minutes walk down and back up the small hill, became a 45 minutes wait for Sule. I'd gone ahead to fry and even simmer the sauce without seasoning. Then a knock on my door.

Sule: Oga, gashi an samo da kyar. Shago uku na zagaya kafin aka samu (Oga, finally. I had to check at three shops)

Then he hands me a big sized bottle of Hypo and N250 change...

Sule (1)

I uncharacteristically woke late today. This means I missed church. So, I set about cleaning the house, doing the dishes, preparing lunch and if there's extra strength, do some laundry. It was while I was doing the dishes that I heard it. Loud sobs. Really serious crying. It was my delectable neighbor. I don't even know her name (that is reserved for some evening of better acquaintance).but she was sobbing loudly. I paused and worry ran through my spine.

I dropped the plate I was washing, cleansed my hands and (like all nice neighbors will) dashed for her door. I tapped gently a couple of times, and the sob stopped.

"Who's there? Sule (thinking it was the gateman)"

"It's m...me...e. It's Ken" I managed to say, in a troubled (had to make her realise her crying bothered me) way.

After a run of tap and a couple of steps, she turned the keys and flushed the porch with her resplendence (with red eyes).

"Madam (until I get her name), I heard you sob and I REALLY want to know why you're crying" I said.

"Nothing, I'm fine" she replied.

"I'm not sure, because your sobs were loud enough for anyone to know you're not fine", I interjected.

Then she opened up... "Can you imagine? I'm watching the third of Cinderella trilogy, but it's not Cinderella, it's a boy named Quagliarella. It's not the glass stiletto as we've known it, but a pair of Levi jeans. The banquet with the prince is about to start, but Quagliarella can't find that magical pair of Levi jeans."

I sighed!

She said she had earlier watched the latest in the Shrek series, and Fiona was gone. Instead, there was a beardy dude of lithe frame called Frodo. She couldn't understand what was going on with movies anymore, and let out a shriek of a sob.

That was when I woke up, and heard the wail. Checked the time... 11:23am. I got off my bed, and dashed for the door. I have to find out why my neighbor is crying this morning.