I WASN'T HE WHO CHOPPED THE TREE

I wasn’t he who chopped the tree,

Amadioha.

Why have thou cursed me?

The Ogene bounces off the sides of the mounts,

Horns and flutes purr at the heart of still waters...

Why am I in the way of a burst cistern?

Waves disturbs the calm of my dreams;

Of trickles come from the cistern’s cracks.

Why am I the cursed of them all?

Off they run to Nkwobi’s warm bossom,

Salted. The alligator pepper well done!

But upon shards of glass my heart is thrust

Oh, Dear Baro

Oh, dear Baro 

Petty gamble o'er the matter 

Emptying of thy belly 

Gives them fame, sheared 

Mosquitoes awoken of staccatos

Mosquitoes in swarms, fishes in droves

The Wind In Her Wings

Le Eagle soared away at dawn
But we were not lorn
Father Sky was kind - we tarried much
Then she caught the wind in her wings
Same which I purred from my pipes
So I was breathless when she was gone
With kindred spirit in formation
Umunna in tow to new breeding fortes.

Plucked

They're getting plucked all around me;
Spinsters, ripe - soft to the side
Will there be fruits left when...
My rod grows long enough?

Udi

 Udi, cast upon dark combustibles
Is it true? That I'll revel in thy belly?
When the moro brings me nigh,
Altine visits again, be ready!

The State of the World's Midwifery #SoWMy2014 report Launch in Nigeria

Live Blog #SoWMy2014 Report Launch in Nigeria

 

She, chic

There they go - infidels, rogues
Plucking towns shamelessly;
Minced meat, sooting grills in their wake
And what does the chic do?

She, chief-in-command, is...
Distraught, limp, then cools off.
Timbuktu, Boakye were neighbors
Merry and laughter in tow

But a litter of bleeding girls wail.
The rest are cracked, then armed -
Cannon fodder are sent with fear
Emissaries to chic, from a bloated war.

Let's Live Together

Oh, Nigeria. Yours' a feared history -
Pandora's box - bleak, cold, dour...
Sour grapes' past; fruits of a new story.

FIRST AND RIGHT

Credit: truppr.com

 My first and only Truppr experience, was in August. Lord have mercy, Natachy, a friend who had shed over 70KG and still counting, had invited me to a run. We had always complained about how I live in town, and her in Karu and how it was difficult to meetup for a run. Bam! She sent me a direct message me on twitter and invited me. I promptly registered, bragged about it, and then looked forward to it with all the gusto I could muster. On the day, I arrived early, not been to the old parade ground before, I was skeptical of my taxi driver. But he was right. By the time I summoned courage to walk through the gates, I saw figures of all shapes and sizes, most figurines perched around a handful of cars, engaged in friendly chatter and waiting for the late comers. Apparently I fell in the latter category.

Credits: twitter.com/Natachyy

I met a few familiar faces like Messrs Sangowawa and Mukoro, who made blending in easier for me. Soon, Natachy arrived, and pleasantries were shared. And that was when the warm ups began. The stretching, running, bending,  turning all in one position, caught the winds out of my sails to remind me how much I‘ve missed working out and exercising beyond the acceptable boundaries of lazy. But it as worth it. I felt better, my muscles felt stretched and oiled for the run, and I was looking forward to it. A little while later, the run was off, and I was still around the cars, helping to pack up ‘stuff’ in to the cars. Thus, I was a couple minutes late. About 3 minutes I guess. 

I turned on the music on my phone, plugged my earpiece and strutted away in a bid to catch up with the bunch of runners/walkers. Now, the thing with me, is that I’m a great competitor; and then a bad one as well. I love competition. I believe that life is about who gets it first. No matter how much we all stand in the queue waiting for our turn, if I turned up earlier to join the queue, it would be my urn first. And I brought that mentality to the run, even though I knew I wasn’t in the beat of shapes, to finish ahead of everyone. If for anything, my competitive spirit can’t be easily dampened. Not even by the smiles and abandon on the faces of those whom I overtook within seconds, though they had a three minutes start.

By the first turn, I had to climb a hill. My muscles were grinding and fatigue was setting in, but I was not the type to just give in. But a second look at myself, changed everything, I happened to be the one really interested about finishing first. Maybe those who are like me were far ahead or something, but everyone whom I overtook, never seem to take it serious. To them, it was about burning the unnecessary fat, staying fit, and clocking their best time yet. And I was there trying to kill my muscles for not fueling me enough. When I hit the imaginary red tape, there were a couple of faces who had eaten up the race like yam, and were nestled around the cars and waiting for the rest of us to turn up. Natachy was one of them. She was already posing for pictures and was being ‘famzed’ by ladies with rings around their torsos, hoping to be like her soon.

Soon, everyone had crossed their red tape, and there was a call for dance aerobics. I had a seminar to catch that fateful Saturday, so I said my goodbyes, and off I went in a painted taxi. I looked forward to the September edition, but I missed it doe to pressing deadlines. Now, I’m looking foreward to an October date at a race, where everyone, whether you chose to run or walk, end up first and right, clocking their best time ever!

PICK OF THE WEEK (3)

It’s the penultimate day until September, my dear birth month is over, and we usher in the Halloween month. Well, whatever that is, only those Nigerians who stay glued to their television sets, or live, school and work in the climes where it is a culture will certainly be looking forward to it. But really, what is it they celebrate during Halloween? I keep wondering maybe that’s why there are so many psychopaths and serial killers in the climes where they celebrate horror!

It’s our third week rolling with the PICK OF THE WEEK, and even though the feedback for last week was not as good as the ‘numero uno’, I’ll keep picking and featuring stories from within the last week, which attracted attention and discuss; and publish related statistics which matter at the start of the new week. The good part is that you can decide which stories you think made the pick of the week, by simply sending your scoops to @KoloKennethK. It might seem as if last week was quiet, despite the hushed conversations continuing regards the $9.3m found in Pastor Ayo Oristejafor’s jet, and ofcourse the continued rise in the death toll of the #JoshuaGate collapse. However, if you didn’t hear, Shekau II has left middle earth. His boat wasn’t spotted in Asgard’s waters. I hear he made his way to hell to meet his 76 virgins. Well, the PICK OF THE WEEK tells you the rest of the story.

MY PICK

21 GUN SALUTE: BASHIR MOHAMMED IS DEAD

Seven days ago, Nigeria woke up to the news that renegade Boko Haram Commander and Amir, Abubakar Shekau had been killed by Nigerian Forces in a battle for Konduga. Words filtered in afterwards, that Abubakar Shekau had been the nom de guerre of Bashir Mohammed, the man claimed to have taken over reins of leadership after the ‘original’ Abubakar Shekau was murdered. And yes, you are right. It caused an uproar amongst Nigeria’s netizens, as there was jubilation on twitter. It was so loud, that statistics show that within the last seven days, I had 7, 281,443 chances of seeing the name Bashir Mohammed crop up on my timeline. That’s how many people have been discussing about the insurgency, and the kill by the Nigerian forces. Although the news first hit airwaves on Monday, it was until Wednesday, that the Defence Headquarters Information section on insurgency, with the handle @DefenceInfoNG announced that Shekau II had boarded a boat leaving middle earth.

There were no mention of a sighting of his boat at Asgard, so we know he didn’t end up an Eihenjar, so he must have rowed towards hell to meet his 76 virgins with Cossy Orjiakor breasts and Kim Kardashian hips. Hashtags like #VictoryForNigeria #COINUpdate #BashirMohammed #AbubakarShekau and #BokoHaram soon came upstream through the week. The death soon resulted in multiple deaths and surrender of rank and rags of Boko Haram fighters across various fronts. This is indeed, a huge success for the Nigerian government. However, the Oliver Twist of her citizens are now clamoring for the Chibok Girls to be brought home, now that their tormentor-in-chief has been killed.

FALSE DAWN: LUCKY, NOT ABDUCTED GIRLS

On Tuesday, September 23^rd, Nigeria went in to a frenzy of jubilation, albeit cut short. The Nigerian Times broke the news that two heavily guarded buses had strolled in to the Maiduguri Army barracks with girls alleged to be those, abducted from Chibok. What a masterstroke that was, and my, everyone was in jubilant mood, with even BBC reporting it, until Military Spokesman, General Chris Olukolade popped up with a tweet, denouncing the revelation, and claiming the buses were conveying girls who had escaped abduction at Chibok, to their reallocated schools in Kano and Kaduna States. It caused an uproar, even as rumors emerged that Shekau had also not been killed, as was reported in the media. Whatever is true, we sha hail thee, Nigeria. 13.6m+ people were in frenzied mood though, over the news of the release of the abducted girls.

OWAMBE: ATIKU ABUBAKAR DECLARES

On Wednesday, September 24^th, Abuja went agog. When I decided to visit Metro Plaza, my taxi driver asked not to go through CBD. It turned out, Alhaji Atiku Abubakar (GCON) was declaring his intentions to run for the office of President in the 2015 elections under the main opposition party, the All Peoples Congress. It was however, not the central business district that went agog. Sep. 23, 11:27 pm and Sep. 29, 11:26 am in just 3,086 tweets. Alhaji Atiku must be wishing that as many as 20m Nigerians of the 48m+ currently online, will just cast the Yes vote for him in 2015, that is if he gets the party’s ticket at the primaries.

Twitter did, as apologists, loyalists, attack-dogs, antagonists, haters, mofos, loud-mouths, analysts, enthusiasts and the likes, all borrowed, hired or carried their own apoti and sat on the timeline, flooding ‘Twitter Nigeria’ with all sorts of orishi-rishi on whether the man is the right person to rule Nigeria, or why he should be in jail. Well, no doubt Nigeria’s former No.2 certainly still commands airtime in Nigeria, and he so does with aplomb. So much aplomb that ‘Atiku declares’ showed up on my timeline, a record 20, 071, 832 times between

OYINBO REPETE: TONY TETUILA JOINS THE RACE

While the #30PecentOrNothing debate goes on, some youth have harkened to the call, and are certainly cutting their hair, arranging that photoshoot and designing those party colour themed posters and splashing them online and offline, in anticipation of the politicking season for the 2015 elections to begin. However, a twist, is certainly how much the entertainment industry have taken this call serious. Abolore Akande a.k.a. 9ice, Kate Henshaw-Nuttal, Julius Agwu, Tony Tetuila, Desmond Elliot, Kanayo O. Kanayo, Tony Muonagor a.k.a. Tony One-Week, Jibola Dabo, Daniel Chibuzor  Nnwoka a.k.a Dan D’humorous, Kenneth Okwonkwo, Adefunke Adesiyan, Yemi Solade, Kenny Saint Brown *add your own name to the list*.

By Wednesday when Atiku was declaring his intentions, Anthony Olanrewaju Awotoye a.k.a. Tony Tetuila was basking on the wings of Atiku, and e-posters of him started flooding twiter, with his intentions to run for the Kwara State House of Assembly. Amazingly, since Saturday, when I was able to measure a little above 3K tweets, 27m+ netizens have been talking about Tony Tetuila. Now, this is not over a 7 days period oh… just 3 days, between Sep. 27, 12:29 pm and Sep. 29, 1:36 pm. This is amazing, how much attention the Irepodun born musician has garnered. He must feel lucky, and hope that the same attention earns him votes in to the house. If you think you are better than these young people aspiring for political office, dust your party registration certificate, or go register now, and start the politicking work that needs to be done. The truth is that the youth are not the leaders of tomorrow. Children are. The youth are the leaders of today. The Now!

NO PLEA BARGAIN: THEY DESERVE TO DIE

Finally, on Wednesday, the Chairman of the Senate Committee on Defence, Sen. Thompson Sekibo rang the riot act, and said the committee will not plead for #leMutinyBabes, the 12 soldiers recently found guilty of mutiny in Maiduguri and sentenced to death. While addressing journalists after a meeting with Service Chiefs, where we are not sure what was discussed, and what changed hands, he insisted that discipline must be instilled in the Army, which is backed by a law enacted by the national assembly. Thus, the Military Act, which guides conduct in the army finds #leMutinyBabes guilty, and they must face the brunt of the law. Words brushing my apoti also have it that #LeMutinyBabes have been held in underground cells and have been starving as the Army doesn’t see any need in feeding the bodies they will certainly cast hot iron into soon. There have however, been numerous calls, including that of the Nigerian Labour Congress, pleading with the government and the Army’s top brass not to kill them. Apparently, these men whom everyone have been canvassing support for on twitter in the fight for insurgency, seem to have the sympathy of a lengthy jail term than death at the gallows. Anyways, about 12 million people have had one thing or the other to say about the sentencing of #LeMutinyBabes within the last 9 days, reaching its peak on Wednesday with the announcement by the Chairman of the Senate.  If you ask me, I really do want #LeMutinyBabes given jail terms than the death penalty, considering the circumstances of their near revolt against their commanding officer.

That’s a wrap from my desk for this week on PICK OF THE WEEK. Apologies for the late publication. Power cuts and a full desk of deadlines ensured my hands were too full to publish at the usual time. But hopefully, next week will come with better tidings. Enjoy the Independence celebrations, stay safe, and send your scoops to @KoloKennethK.