Sunday 28 June 2015

Sule (1)

I uncharacteristically woke late today. This means I missed church. So, I set about cleaning the house, doing the dishes, preparing lunch and if there's extra strength, do some laundry. It was while I was doing the dishes that I heard it. Loud sobs. Really serious crying. It was my delectable neighbor. I don't even know her name (that is reserved for some evening of better acquaintance).but she was sobbing loudly. I paused and worry ran through my spine.
I dropped the plate I was washing, cleansed my hands and (like all nice neighbors will) dashed for her door. I tapped gently a couple of times, and the sob stopped.
"Who's there? Sule (thinking it was the gateman)"
"It's m...me...e. It's Ken" I managed to say, in a troubled (had to make her realise her crying bothered me) way.
After a run of tap and a couple of steps, she turned the keys and flushed the porch with her resplendence (with red eyes).
"Madam (until I get her name), I heard you sob and I REALLY want to know why you're crying" I said.
"Nothing, I'm fine" she replied.
"I'm not sure, because your sobs were loud enough for anyone to know you're not fine", I interjected.
Then she opened up... "Can you imagine? I'm watching the third of Cinderella trilogy, but it's not Cinderella, it's a boy named Quagliarella. It's not the glass stiletto as we've known it, but a pair of Levi jeans. The banquet with the prince is about to start, but Quagliarella can't find that magical pair of Levi jeans."
I sighed!
She said she had earlier watched the latest in the Shrek series, and Fiona was gone. Instead, there was a beardy dude of lithe frame called Frodo. She couldn't understand what was going on with movies anymore, and let out a shriek of a sob.
That was when I woke up, and heard the wail. Checked the time... 11:23am. I got off my bed, and dashed for the door. I have to find out why my neighbor is crying this morning.

Tuesday 5 May 2015

IS HE A MIRACLE WORKING MAN?


Hot on the heels of the 2015 general elections are a string of lobbying, real politicking and power tussles leading to May 29th, when the elected government is sworn in to power. Everyone is guessing what the cabinet will look like, and with a recent mention of the APC changing its manifesto, the debate is raging on, on why that happened, and whether the party will rescind on her pre-election promises. Flashback to pre-election days in February and March 2015, and vote canvassing were done via the media - conventional and new - in the form of hate speech, defamation of character, in documentaries, advertorials, townhall meetings and civic debates before the elections. While manifestos were thoroughly analyzed, concerns over issues like corruption, unemployment, maternal and child healthcare, domestic violence, security, foreign exchange, economy, foreign policy, inflation, rule of law and power were hugely on the front burner before the elections and seem to remain, as Nigerians continue to guess, how the incoming government will deal with Nigeria's plethora of problems.



Analysts say if the incoming government can do away with corruption and make power available to Nigerians, a lot of the problems currently plaguing the largest massing of black people on earth will begin to tow the path to self sufficiency and development. And recently, at a gas sector roundtable, the issue of gas to power and gas to transport were reiterated as means to alleviate a lot of the problems plaguing Africa's largest economy. However, while the problem is said to be with the transmission of power rather than generation and distribution which have been duly privatized between preceding governments, it is not clear if the Transmission Company of Nigeria (TCN) will be able to improve transmission capacity of the current grid, or a miracle is expected of Muhammadu Buhari in anycase. Prior to the elections, the Sell Your Vote webapp - j.mp/Sell2015, a scenario game asking Nigerians if they will compromise their votes by taking money from politicians, got some feedback which showed that Nigerians were no longer willing to take peanuts from politicians for shoddy showing while in office.







And believe it or not, Nigerians who have already set up the "Office of the Citizen" of the Federal Republic of Nigeria, will seek to ensure accountability and transparency in the delivery of dividends of democracy, which like in 1959 till today, revolve around clean water, good roads, functional hospitals, free education, jobs and constant supply of power. Whether President-elect, Muhammadu Buhari is the Miracle Man from Daura, is something Nigerians will realise after May 29.

Saturday 21 March 2015

THE DUST IN THE DARKNESS



It has been 146 days since the Majlis sent word around about the coming of the darkness. The note had come in scribbled Arabic; passed around from one compound, to hamlet. The scribe seems hurried to jot his message. And then it came upon us. The dust in the darkness.
That is what we have come to call them, for that is how they come upon one village after another after another. They raise a mighty black flag and leave behind, raging fire, wanton destruction, the smells of death in the air, and silence in the hearts of those who live till dawn.
And that is what they have veiled my heart with – silence. For when Inna calls out, silence answers. When the government people come to fight with those camera totting people for verified numbers, though missing, silence answers.
I am Rifkatu, I’m 15 years old, and a Christian. Better put, an arniya, kafiruna as they have chosen to call us here – pagans, infidels. Maybe they are right, for in despairing silence of 146 days; of whispers in prayer, my God turned a deaf ear. Maybe not. He did answer Israel’s prayer in Masar. And Ayuba? Wasn’t he tried, and God commanded that his soul be spared? And Idris? Wasn’t he taken by God? The only man never to see death? Oh, yeah, and Iliya who was ferried by chariots in to heaven, after he escaped death
Well, Idris, my Sunday School teacher saw death. We all cried the day he was carried away, and then more wails when we finally found his headless body, decaying in the searing heat of the Malawa Mountains.
Maybe like Ayuba, this is my trial. Dragged all the way to that white pickup and loaded like a goat. I could never forget the color of that pickup. It shone in the cold night. The moon reflected off it and off the cold darkness that peered upon my soul in that turban. He had the height of my big brother, Habila. But he looked like he hadn’t eaten in a long while. He waived his gun at will, and sent fear down the spines of every girl couched in the pickup.

Monday 16 March 2015

WILL #GEJ WIN IT?


The political sphere in Nigeria remains charged, leading up to apparently, the most expensive heated elections in the history of the nation. Most analysts would say prior to the postponement of February 14, the All Peoples' Congress was charging to the finish line like Usain Bolt. But the shift in the checkered line, has helped the Peoples' Democratic Party, regain some stamina, and giving a push to the line.

To this end, a group of young party loyalists, aligned to the incumbent, President Goodluck Ebele Jonathan, a.k.a. #GEJ decided to put together an event, to tell party stalwarts why GEJ wins it. According to them, the President's achievements are under reported, so Nigerians don't know on what premise they are lobbied to return #GEJ for a second term by constitutional right

So, even though the organizers screamed and shouted that the event was a formal one, and there shouldn’t be jeans and sneakers, trust Nigerians now… Anyways, I called up a darling friend, and she was my date for the evening. They were economical with time, as they indeed said the event will go live by 6pm, and at around 6pm, they were set. See ehn, I was VERY impressed by the set up. From the stage, to the seating, to managing the movement of cameramen, to the speakers, sound, montage… See, they bettered the PlayForum guys a bit. I can beat my chest anywhere and say Naija Boyz can “did it”. At the heart of the technical setup was the “kekere ekun”, Segun Awosanya a.k.a. Segalink. Even though he had a resplendent seat in front, and he was dapper as always, he was ducking from the view of the cameras, darting across the entire space, and ensuring the whole thing thick.
In my mind of minds, I saw the name of the convener as “Karo”, and thought of only one twitter handle I know with that name - @karo_orovboni, and I went burst with it, as the convener delivered his welcome address. But indeed, it was @karoagono. Thankfully, I was promptly corrected, and the barrage of questions in my mentions stopped.


Mr. Agono insisted in his welcome speech, that you may differ in ideas with him (irrespective of what part of the country you live in), yet to him, you remain brothers and sisters I wonder if this holds sway across board though


And in the next 5 minutes, Karo adulated GEK in bard-like rendition, citing why to him already, “GEJ wins it”. Above all, he reiterated his angst on being told by friends in the opposition, that he had indeed taken money, to give his support to #GEJ (Countfreemont’s tweet). Again, he said you Yes, you have told him that if you support the opposition, you’re intelligent and cool, but if you support the government, you are intellectually deficient.

Sen. Anyim Pius Anyim then proceeded with the first keynote, and dropped a couple of subs for the 1st family, the opposition candidate – Gen. Muhammadu Buhari and a host of others. His first sub though, was for Mama Peshe. Because only a few days back in Akwa Ibom and then in Edo, she said it was constitutionally a right for her husband to get 8 years in office. Oga Anyim said instead, that #GEJ was not even concerned about being reelected… Itumo 



Again, he delivered a master of subs, when he proclaimed that #GEJ’s is the first administration where power is not concentrated at the centre, in reference to statements by one agile retiree, that there are indeed 5 Presidents ruling the country (sic). According to Senator Anyim, “Mr. President has no need to keep all the power, he’ll rather strengthen the relevant institutions”. He also said that #GEJ’s administration has guaranteed the stability of the national legislature, and it is not as volatile. Well, maybe Senator Anyim was asleep when recently, there was rancor at the national assembly


He also went on about the rebasing of the economy, and said it wasn’t really for bragado projecting Nigeria as the largest economy on the continent, but for it to capture the relevant sectors of the economy which were hitherto neglected, for the sake of national economic planning for the future. Again, he delivered a sub, this time to the party itself, when he said, “We are not working for reelection, but for the next generation”.


After his speech, an army of young, intelligent and daft Nigerians took to the podium, to espouse the achievements of this administration, from corruption *swallows flagyl for my running stomach* to SURE-P, 10 million increase in school enrolments even though UNICEF says Nigeria has about 11 million out of school children and even the small matter of the number of Nigerians – 44 million plus – now using the internet thanks to this administration. 


















Anyways, I was dazzled most by the speech of Toyosi Akerele (@toyosirise), and no wonder everyone else was – she’s a Jossite, like Mike Omeri and Labaran Maku *covers face* and myself. She touched me, when she hammered on the truth, that even though young Nigerians are now taking the handouts because if we don’t, the old generation will still pocket it, or dash oyinbo PR firms, we can now negotiate on our terms, because we are trailblazing across the globe, making Nigeria proud, even more than the government is (yet another sub).











With all the adulation coming in, Eghes Eyienyien gave a strong speech, thrumping up the achievements of #GEJ, but ended it all with a massive sub:

The evening petered in to one of adulation and reiteration of the same facts and figures of achievements we have seen on twitter, facebook, on television and even on newspapers. And then, the lie called Bala Mohammed happened. He claimed that there have been massive road expansions in his administration, with plans to develop new districts in the FCT, via public-private partnerships. 


Oga, didn’t mention that his administration like those before him, have neglected the development of Idu/Karimo Industrial District, which will have been the nerve center for small businesses and industries living in the FCT. For him, developing primed areas in “our own Dubai”, were key projects for his administration. And I dare to add, even the illegal conversion of about 20ha of designated green areas in Asokoro to residential quarters, without adhering to requirements of the Abuja master plan, is a part of it. Oga Minister also mentioned that they were working birthing a tax body for the FCT, to generate N300bn in revenue for the Territory, so that it can exempt itself from the national budget and be self-sufficient.


Wont for time, the compere took a couple of questions from online viewers and from the audience, with most of them focusing on the issue of power. Venerable Professor Chidenu Nebo reiterated that the power sector doesn’t work akin to “plug n’ play”. It takes time to run feasibility and evaluation studies, make procurements, import and install, but promised that power will be a demon of the past soon, especially if #GEJ is reelected. Oh, and he said, “#GEJ has overworked and over performed, but under appreciated”. 


 As the evening grew older, the speakers and the audience had the look on their faces that said one thing – “#GEJ will win it”. 



The event came to a prompt conclusion with the national pledge: I pledge to Nigeria my country, to be faith, loyal and HONEST; to serve Nigeria with ALL my HEART, to DEFEND her UNITY and uphold her HONOR and GLORY; so help me God.